I actually started another journal that focuses on my, well, disordered eating habits. I know there are a couple of people I friended based on our shared lifestyles...They can come friend me over there. I definitely post more often as that is a very main focus for me right now, and the journal is a great distraction. I made a separate journal because I'm sure most of the people that I talk to with this account don't want to hear about it...Well they probably don't want to hear about my family drama either, but whatever...I'm a venter.

My_ana_begins is my username. Not because I'm a new anorexic, but because I love the song Anna Begins and I thought it was cute. I'm definitely more EDNOS if you want to get all label-conscious.

Anyway, that's all...I will probably just refriend everybody using that username, but I was bored and thought i'd post.

Current Location: Bed
Current Music: Sugarcult...Going old school tonight

Got promoted. Draw pay isn't much better than assistant's pay.

Been chilling with Angela, who I met online and who turned out to be so much fun. I love aving someone in my life that loves music as much as I do. Not sure if the romantic connection is there, but I definitely enjoy spending time with her.

Totally dedicated to losing weight before anything else right now. It is something I have struggled with for years, but just seeing "overweight" next to my BMI has given me the drive I need. Lowering calorie intake, better food choices, and constant activity are my new focuses. I'm down 10 pounds, but 140 is still overweight...I've set multiple goals and my control is so much better now than it has ever been. That will be most of my posts right now. Sorry.

Family is still fucking crazy, so I'm sure that will come up too. Have to make a phone call now. Later.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: determined
Current Music: OTH on SoapNet

I am now the proud new owner of a G1...Yay! I felt like such a loser at work because I was the only person without one. Not that my Gravity wasn't a good phone...The G1 is just totally cooler. Message me if you want to know why you should buy a G1 from me or if you have one and want to give me tips. I'm going to be up all night trying to figure this thing out.

Current Location: Home. I'm such a loser.
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: Finally a bit of quiet.

I'm typing this out on my phone because using my laptop's keyboard is a pain in the ass. I really do need to get it fixed.

Work is still going well. I really hate getting paid twice a month. The good news is that I have my advanced training course this week which gets me one step closer to a raise which would be very nice. Even with a minimum 8 hours overtime, training pay sucks. I already have a few commissions lined up too. I've been practicing my pitch with friends and have them all convinced I can save them money. Right now I'm working at 3 different malls (Franklin Mills, Montgomery, and Quakerbridge for those familiar with the area), but I'm hoping to be placed at Quakerbridge. It's close with a great money-making location. The only drawback will be going against one of the guys there. He's ruthless and really good at what he does. We get along well now as he's training me and I'm earning money for him, but if I was in a position to take his commission, I'm not sure how well that will work out. In his defense, I totally get it. The job is about making money...You only make money when you sell things...Why let someone else take a sale that could be yours? There are only 2 other women in my district too, which kinda makes me the odd one out at work. I actually came out at work to stop the guys' constant apologies for checking out chicks around me. The boyfriend questions were getting annoying too. And by implying I have no interest in guys whatsoever, I actually made most of the guys more comfortable around me. I just have to talk sports all the time...Stereotypes are a bitch. during football season, it's true though. It's hard not to love Philadelphia football no matter how many times your heart is torn out.

Missing the shows I've been able to watch for the past few months, but it's all good. That's what the internet is for I guess. And I do get to see Legend of the Seeker tonight and The Secret Life of the American Teenager tomorrow. And I miss watching movies too. I was hoping to be able to get the Twilight DVD this weekend, but money's tight and the choice is between buying the DVD and not looking like a cheap-skate when I bring the girl I'm seeing out this week. The DVD can wait until my next check.

This is for all those out there who thought their families were fucked up. She just dropped this bomb on a 14 year old kid out of no where. On top of the fact that her kids KNOW she'd rather be at the bar or with her boyfriend who dumps her every other week. Her kids have such issues stemming right from her. She has 4 kids from, technically I suppose, 4 different men. Kid 1 is definitely my stepbrother. Kid 2 is technically not, but legally is. Kid 3 is said to be either my stepbrother or cousin depending who you ask, but is legally neither. Kid 4 would totally be diagnosed as a sociopath if they put the term on minors.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: relaxed
Current Music: Family Matters on BET

I'm sitting around, bored out of my mind today...I'm mostly just putting off laundry. I only have like 3 pairs of dress pants, and I need them for work. I definitely need to look into getting more and some comfortable shoes too...12 hours standing on cement floors kills one's feet/legs/back/whole body...I feel so old when I get home from work in the evening.

I finally got around to calling my old job about my W2. I should have done it awhile ago, but I'm a terrible procratinator. Talked to my old boss a bit...She's one of a very few things I miss from WV...She was definitely cool.

A lot of chaos in the house at the moment about moving. I really like the house that we're renting, but there's no way we can afford it. Maybe in a few months when I start getting full commission checks, but right now I'm still trying to get everything caught up again. I'm never jumping into a relationship again...It just ends up fucking everything up. I really miss being able to shop everyday and not having to worry about making my car payment on time. I'm really anxious for the commission checks to start to get my own place again. My family members, as much as I love them, are all fucking crazy.

Gotta love how parents getting welfare for their kid have people all over willing to spoil their kid. The taxpayers pay for the essentials, and everyone else buys the Nikes and 30,000 outfits the kids going to outgrow before getting a chance to wear. The entitlement some people feel astounds me. They're actually getting annoyed that the WIC office can't get them an appointment scheduled asap since she had the kid 4 weeks early...They've been given everything that kid needs for the next 2 months and are still being offered/given more, and the appointment is next week. And I swear if I hear one more time about how the school should bend over backwards to help her out by relaxing their rules about attendance, I'm going to scream...As someone who worked hard to get through school while dealing with physical and emotional abuse, depression, anxiety, and self-harm, I'm offended that someone thinks that getting knocked up exempts one from having to do what everyone else has to do.

Rant over for now...I know I'll end up doing it again.

Work is good so far...Still in the training phases. I'm selling T-Mobile, so if you're in the area and looking for a new cellphone, let me hook you up. I just got the service myself, and I'm loving it much more than Sprint...I have yet to feel the urge to send a bomb to their offices which I often felt with Sprint, and I'm a pacifist...It takes A LOT to draw violent emotion from me.

Haven't had much of a chance to hang out with coffee-girl with the new job, but we talk everyday. There's a lot of down-time at work, so we text all day. It's really great. I can't wait for some of the craziness to die down, so I can have a regular schedule and make plans. So far the only plan I have set in stone is going to see Little Ashes when it comes out. I'm being careful not to mention that my ex-girlfriend is the one who introduced me to Dali's work, just to avoid that whole bit of potential drama. She knows I love art and would totally have an affair with Robert Pattinson's hands (not that I'm under any illusion of that actually happening), so I'm sure she'd go with me if I asked.

I rambled for quite awhile, and I still need to do laundry and head over to my dad's for dinner...Usually going to a parent's house for dinner implied healthy home-cooked food, but we're going to make a buffet of deep-fried deliciousness...I usually eat healthy, so I figure I can indulge my dad's need for greasy food along with football talk.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: My mother talking to herself as she edits her paper

I will say straight out that what I am going to say will offend some people. I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings, but I know that I come off as kind of a bitch at times. I'm really not though. I just have strong opinions on some things that I openly share. I will listen to opposing view points, but the likelihood of changing my mind about things I feel strongly enough to talk about is pretty slim.

Okay, so on with the actual post now that the disclaimer is out of the way.

Background information first...My step-brother (C) and step-sister-in-law (A) aren't actually married because they're only 17, and our family definitely wouldn't allow C to do it (A's family's kinda crazy though, so I'm sure they'd be all about it). They just had a baby early yesterday morning. Since A's technically a single mother who doesn't work, she qualifies for all kinds of government assistance.

This is where my offensive rant begins.

I'm not against public assistance by any means. I don't believe anyone should go without the basics while others walk around in Chanel. My problem rests with the government enabling what is statistically a negative situation, and that is children raising children. A has gotten WIC and government sponsored health care which doesn't actually bother me as much as how she talks about it. She seems to think she is owed this money because she was intelligent enough to figure out the mechanics of heterosexual sex...And I suppose I can't really expect A or C to know much about safe sex since neither of them have attended school regularly enough to actually take the classes and the people they each lived with before all this went down were hardly the best role models.

They treated the entire pregnancy as one big adventure because they haven't had to think about how they're going to pay for medical care or formula or child care because it's taken care of...And if we were the kind of people that would throw them out, they'd qualify for housing assistance too. I'm not saying they will be bad parents or that all teen parents can't take care of their kids, but statistics would imply that it is a very negative situation for the baby.

I've read that 9 out of 10 teen girls who give birth keep the baby. These children are likely to have problems in school. Boy children are more likely to have trouble with the law. Girl children are more likely to become teen parents themselves (A's mom had her at 16). They're more likely to suffer from abuse and neglect.

The brain isn't fully developed until you reach your 20s, specifically the parts of the brain involved in decision-making and impulse control. Then there is the lack of life experience and education. Most teens are simply not equipped to handle being parents.

The US government spends $7 billion a year taking care of pregnant teens and their children, essentially enabling what is a continuous cycle. Yes the children do need to be provided for, but what kind of message does it send when someone who got pregnant in high school gets extra assistance when others who may have worked harder and didn't have sex have to figure out everything on their own. A's mom was just talking yesteray about how she was going to go up to her school and talk to somebody because it was BS that the high school didn't allow maternity leave and that they were requiring A to take classes on Saturdays if she wants to graduate because she's already missed 20 days due to scheduling her appointments during school hours...This was also coming from a woman with no interest in her schooling ever before which I found funny, but I was mostly annoyed that she felt the school should lessen their standards for A because she had a baby.

I'm sure I've missed points in this rant and that it's pretty disorganized...I blame the head-cold I've got going for me.

I should probably end this by stating that I love my new niece...I'm not going to allow her to go without, but her parents will not have their lives made into a cake-walk by me like A's family seems to be doing.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: sick
Current Music: Silence from my phone, of course, since I'm sitting here waiting on a call

I just love the feeling of getting through a really good job interview. And I think I was really nervous right before I went in. We talked about the most random of things...Music (He serenaded me with Zeppelin when I mentioned being a fan), sports (I was an Eagles fan in Giants' country), movies, dogs, everything under the sun. The only part I had trouble with was the "roleplay" sale...I've always sucked at make-believe. But he even said I did a good job with that. I will find out if I have the job officially on Wednesday.

Well, what I got to see of the Academy Awards was amazing! There were a bunch of people that decided to come and hang out at my house, so hearing was a bit of an issue. But, Hugh Jackman is incredible! There were, of course, a few unfortunate fashion choices, but overall, everyone looked amazing. I was absolutely floored when I saw Robert Pattinson...That tux looked perfect on him, and I loved the shoes. Also great how he left the stubble. I was also very glad Milk picked up the awards that it did...The acceptance speeches were beautiful and awesome to have in such a public forum.

I'm kinda pissed about the Little Ashes release date being pushed back. It's not even about me fangirling Robert Pattinson...I love Dali. The Philadelphia Museum of Art had an exhibit a few years ago, and my girlfriend-at-the-time and I went 4 times. He was brilliant. I was really looking forward to seeing this story on screen regardless of its absolute validity. I suppose I can wait until May though (not that I really have a choice).

I still have so much crap that needs to be done tomorrow. I'm thinking of just staying up as late as possible to make it seem further away (it makes sense in my head), but I know I shouldn't...So, g'night.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: content
Current Music: The dryer...I think someone left coins in their pocket

I have a pretty full schedule today, but I figured I'd post before I got started since I didn't get a chance to last night.

Coffee went very well once I actually found the place. MapQuest sucks. From now on, I'm going with my instincts. I didn't get home until 1...We totally clicked.

I have a job interview tomorrow. It's in sales, but the pay is the best of everything I came across. I'm a wee bit nervous, but at the same time I feel confident. I know someone who works for the guy already, and he said he'd be to get me in as long as I seem friendly enough during the interview.

So today I have to get up a resume and move a bunch of furniture and make sure my non-date had a a good enough time to go out again. All while trying to not kill my pain in the ass brothers.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Grease on TV

It's going to be a long day. I've only been up an hour, but it feels like so much longer.

My youngest stepbrother is visiting, and I've spent the last hour being entertained by the amazing music stylings of Emma Roberts...I kinda want to throw myself off a tall structure.

But I do have plans...I'm meeting someone for coffee at 3. I figure if it goes well, we can go from the "non-date beverage of choice" to more adult beverages. We haven't had trouble making conversation on the phone or the computer, so it should go well. We're both music freaks, so I figure I can bring my MP3 to spark conversation if things seem dismal.

I really wish time would go faster though. I am so tired of Emma Roberts.

On a more positive note, the Oscars are tomorrow! Which is pretty cool on its own, but definitely cooler with Robert Pattinson there...It's strange how attractive I find him since I'm not generally attracted to guys (though I wouldn't deny being into a guy just because he's a guy). I blame his hands...He has beautiful hands.

I'll probably post again tonight.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Emma Roberts has finally stopped...Yay!

Okay...

This rant involves discussion about sexuality. I do not wish to make anyone uncomfortable, so you've been warned.

I'm pretty open about my sexuality...I don't lie about it to make people comfortable or so that they will like me. I'm proud of the fact that I look beyond standard social mores and fall for people regardless of what they're hiding in their pants.

Lately I have found myself apologizing for this. Every guy I've ever been with has been cool with me being bisexual. Even my one totally uptight ex-boyfriend who would never even consider anything as kinky as a threesome (and that is terribly kinky in his mind).

BUT woman on the other hand...

If I'm talking to another bisexual, 8/10 times her BOYFRIEND gets mentioned in the conversation. And when, in disbelief, I ask if he knows about her cheating, I'm told that it's not cheating when a bisexual girl with a BF hooks up with a woman...Am I completely off-base in thinking that attraction to both sexes shouldn't exempt one from the title of cheater when they are in a relationship? Don't get me wrong...I understand open and polyamorous relationships, but when I was in an open relationship, the other person's gender was not dictated.

And if I'm talking to a lesbian, I try to avoid mentioning the fact that I am bisexual because almost every time it has come up in the past, I've been told that bisexuals are (1) selfish, (2) lesbians who refuse to let go off social norms, or (3) not to be trusted.

For the first time, I am uncomfortable with who I am...I guess it's the cosmos getting back at me for having such an easy time coming out of the closet. There is this whole "bi-phobia" thing that is making me feel like I have to choose one way or the other...And either way I will not be true to myself.

Is there anyone out there that happens across this little entry that knows what I'm talking about?

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Silence...I love it sometimes